I’m not a fan of “Jersey Shore,” but this guy, Michael Sorrentino, is everywhere, including his abs, which he calls “The Situation.” I
have to admit I would love to have a six-pack like that one day, but I’m only
dreaming. What I do have is a one-pack, a keg, you could say. If Sorrentino can
call his abs “The Situation,” then I can certainly call my abs “The
Predicament.” Yes, I’ve been trying hard to shrink The Predicament, but have
had my most success this year with Weight Watchers and working out.
I’m hoping this 5K training will push me over the top in my
fight with The Predicament, but at today’s workout, The Predicament showed he still
had some fight left in him. Adam the Terminator didn’t make things easy,
either. The Terminator kicked up my workout this
morning. We went to from doing 400 and 200-meter repeats to 800 and 400-meter
repeats with about a couple of minutes in between for rest. I started to look
around for the closest defibrillator.
In the middle of the workout, the Terminator noticed my
breathing. He said, “Clyde, your breathing seems a little shallow.”
Translation: “You’re breathing like a dead man. What’s up with that?” He tried
to give me some breathing tips, breathing in every two steps and breathing out the
next two steps. I never got it. The Terminator said it will come naturally
eventually, because, “you don’t want to use up to much energy breathing, as
strange as that sounds.” Okay. I have no idea how I’m suppose to make that
happen, but if it’s important to the Terminator, it’s important to me, I guess.
I was dog tired and thinking how in the world am I going to
work the rest of the day, when the Terminator announced we would finish up with
an abs workout. Here is where The Predicament started to play mind games with
me. There is a guy who is part of our 5:30 a.m. morning crew at the TREC. He’s
about 6-2, tall, lean and wears a 20-pound padded vest to
work out. Let’s call him the Conan the Chin-Up Barbarian, because he does chin-ups,
sit-ups, crunches, jumping jacks with the kind of intensity that makes everyone
else in the TREC stand and watch. Conan usually wears a red t-shirt under the vest,
which must mean death to anyone that tries to emulate his workouts. Going into
these, though, I had Conan on my mind. I wanted to look at least a quarter as
impressive as he does.
But as I got into the heel touches and sit-ups, it just was
not working out. Yes, The Predicament was winning the battle as I tried to pull
my chest all the way up to my bent knees. The last effort in a set of three sit-ups
was pitiful as I looked around to see if anyone was giggling. The Terminator
could have stopped me there and called it a morning, but noooo! He said, “We’ve got five minutes left, lets
try some crunches, just for the fun of it.” Fun of it???
Crunches are kind of like half sit-ups and I thought I could
get away with it. This time, The Predicament wouldn’t let me off the floor. I
was barely lifting my shoulder blades off the mat for all three sets. I could
hear The Predicament taunting the whole time:
“How you like me now? You’ve ignored me for the better part
of the year with your foo-foo Weight Watchers diet trying to bring sexy back.
Knock yourself out with those sit-ups and crunches, but you’re never gonna get
rid of me. NEVER. I’m on you like a rash. You hear me, a rash.”
Trying to lighten the mood after my total failure
with the crunches, the Terminator smiled and said, “Okay, we can work on
those.” I thought, “Ya think?” Yep, The Predicament won this round, but we’ve
got nine more weeks to go and hopefully I’ll see a little less of him by then.
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